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Joe Namath wins the Super Bowl

by Jon Henseler

(you know somewhere in her heart, in a place she doesn't talk about at parties, Suzy Kolber saw this and let out a deep, sad sigh)

Namath! Absolute scene stealer last night. All week everyone blah blah blah-ing about Peyton Manning and Richard Sherman, Legion of Boom, Omaha yada yada yada. And then what happens before the game even starts? Broadway Joe steals the spotlight. Just straight up cuckolding Roger Goodell's big game right in front of him with this David Puddy mink coat. And to top it off he tosses the coin without anyone having called heads or tails! Love the referee jumping in to stop it before it landed too. Listen ref, when Broadway Joe tosses the coin, THAT'S the coin toss. Like look at the face he gives this ref for cutting him off:

He's not waiting for someone to call it in the air. Swag times infinity. Joe Namath: Stealing yo girl since 1960. 

Otherwise this game was a total abomination. I mean 43-8? 43 to frieking EIGHT!? Unfathomable. I guess that Seattle D is a little tougher than I thought. Didn't help that the game started with Denver air mailing a snap into the back of their own end zone for a safety either. That play was such a disaster you feel like John Fox must have had the prop bet on a safety being the first score*. Either way this game coming and going means we're one step closer to free agency, the draft, mini camp and Packer's season starting anew. 213 days till the 2014 opener!

*You know you might be a degenerate when a safety occurs on the first play from scrimmage and your phone blows up (4 texts) with your buddies wondering if you had money on that prop. Also you know what I always wonder about? Why whomever is signing the National Anthem doesn't bet on the over/under on time. Easy money right? Like I'm sure Renee Fleming knew exactly how long it would take her last night. Then hammer the over or under for like 10 million. Do you not like free money?

PS: As much as I took it on the chin last night by taking the Broncos -2.5, at least I'm not waking up like Money Mayweather this morning. Although I would argue proportionally I lost more cash. Still, losing 10.4 million will ruin your day 10 times out of 10.