It's like a movie! You wouldn't think that sort of thing would happen to somebody in real life! 
-Aimee 

I saw the plastic bag floating over the car in front of me. I always shake my head when I see them; some idiot using the world outside their car window as their own personal trash bin. I could only imagine some poor schlub having one of those things fly over their face, obstruct their vision, and cause an accident. Looking from the bag to the roadway ahead there was a car about three lengths ahead of me. Then it vanished. The plastic bag was on my face, having been sucked in through the car window. I couldn't see, and the loudness from the bag prevented me from hearing. Doggonit.

Telegraph Road in Southfield is a schizophrenic roadway. The limit is 50mph in most parts, but it's not quite a freeway. Because of this difficult-to-categorize quality most people end up either driving way too slow (40mpg) or way too fast (WTF??!?mph). Trying to cruise along at a responsible 55 means I'll be dodging the speedsters riding up on me like hungry sharks and running up on roadsters crusing along at a measured pace to enjoy the sun with the wind whipping through their aged locks. 

I try to give plenty of notice before switching lanes, but it happens so often on Telegraph you just gotta dive for safety, notice be damned. And it was just before I was gonna do my final lane switch into open road freedom that I saw the bag. It was hurtling ass-over-teakettle as the cars and winds beat it back and forth across the road. I hate litter so sometimes I try to catch them and I've snagged more than my fair share. But this one was drifting for the passenger side of my car so I didn't bother. Besides, there was open road to be had if I could just squeeze ahead of this dopey minivan near my right hind quarters. 

Nature had other plans. For all the times my neighbors dumped their detritus on the road, nature saw fit to reap the whirlwind on me. The bag screamed through my open window and flopped right over my face. I was completely blind. And with all the noise coming from the bag I was effectively deaf too. 

The red brake lights of the car in front of me had flashed just before the bag hit so time was of the essence. I wanted to use my right hand to clear the bag, but it was already on the wheel. Switching may have meant a deadly altered trajectory with the slightest turn of the wheel. So with my left I felt for the corner of the bag. Preliminary observation revealed that the bag was covering the entire right side of my head so grabbing from the corner wasn't gonna happen. 

I tried to dig up under the bag from the left side of my face, but the wind kept altering the shape so that no matter how I tried to pull it off, the grip only got wider and stronger. Two seconds had already passed and my mind was flashing ahead to the site of the accident. My car upside down. Me still in it. Bag on my face. Blood everywhere. Panic was beating of my mind like the wind upon my car as I hurtled down this deadly road in what might have become my coffin. 

The only solution I could come to was to reach for a raised bit of surface on my face. Somehow, someway, no matter what I had to get this thing off my face. Reaching across the bag, I dragged my fingers across my face from left to right and hooked my fingers underneath my glasses. In one smooth motion both the bag and my specs came right off my face. Daylight flooded my eyes. I was at 45mph and the car in front of me had, thankfully, pulled a good distance ahead. 

I drove for half a mile before I pulled over to collect myself. That's when I realized my vision was slightly blurred. The bag had gone into my backseat once I'd gotten it off my face so hopefully my glasses were there too. Unfortunately, they weren't. I looked everywhere, but no dice. The glasses were gone. I thought about going to look for them on Telegraph, but thought against it. Traffic was always too heavy and if they were in the road they were long destroyed anyway. Oh well. The nosepads had fallen off months ago so the dang things were scratching up my face anyway. I was long due for a new pair. I guess now my hand was forced.