Wall Street will pay themselves a record $144 BILLION in salaries and benefits this year. Wall Street pays itself to find ways to make more money. What could happen if Wall Street set aside a year's worth of payments to this end and decided, instead, to better the world?
1. Feed all starving portions of Asia, Africa, and South America.
2. Feed all starving portions of Asia, Africa, and South America again.
3. Buy Fox News.
4. Build a vehicle that could dig up the Fox News building they just purchased and cast it into the sea.
5. Hire a crew of men and women whose sole purpose would be to round up every evil dictator, gather them into a small room, and tickle torture them until their countries can function without them.
6. Bribe the Bush family to never enter politics again. Ever.
7. Create a time machine that could enable an assassin to go back into the future to take out Hitler.
8. Hire comedians to produce international news stories so Americans of ALL ages might actually watch them.
9. Buy a shovel big enough to dig every politician's head from betwixt their butt cheeks.
10. Initiate a campaign to press into law the fact that "Ferris Beuller's Day Off" is the greatest movie ever.