AIG President: If we spend ten billion dollars and earn six billion dollars how much to we have?
Board Members: Duuuhhhhh...20 billion dollars in profit?
AIG President: CORRECT! It's time for lunch. Diamond-encrusted lobster anyone?

Two years later they are poised to start paying us back. Well...not us, more like US, as in The US Department Of Treasury. In fact, according to the Associated Press, AIG is prepared to pay back approximately $37 billion's worth of the aid we provided them. And with the deal struck by the DoT, our government will receive around $20 billion in profit.

That money originated with the American Tax Payer so we should get a chunk. Of course, any profits will be gobbled up in nutty programs that allow large companies to exploit tax loopholes, but there's always hope. So with that hope, I will dream.

5 Things I Would Do With My Bailout Return Check:

1. Purchase large quantities of 'shrooms and arrange my cell phone list so that every number dials me directly into AIG's sales line.

2. I would buy all the commercial time on The Daily Show and The Colbert Report for a day so they could run commercial free. But in the upper right hand corner of both shows there would be a note that says "Sponsored By The Republican Party".

3. Set it up so that Google.com would be the first ten hits whenever someone looked up "tax cheats."

4. Paint the entire north side of the AIG building to look like the old man from Monopoly holding a money bag with cash leaking through it.

5. Quit my job and become a politician cuz real work is for suckers.