Halloween is by far my favorite holiday.  By now you probably already have your costume picked out.  Probably Snookie or Iron Man.  You have put so much time and effort into your costume that you completely forgot about trick or treating on Sunday.  Fear not Q106 listeners I Mac D now presents my guide decorating your house for Halloween.

First of all remember that your porch light has to be on for Trick or Treaters to come to your house.  The porch light not lit during Halloween is the universal sign for getting your house egged.  Porch light on good.

Next your only source of light should be that porch light.  It creates good atmosphere.  Now your probably thinking “This is the point Mac D is going to tell me to have a long and winding path that takes a half an hour to walk” Well your wrong.  Keep the path to the candy short.  Its my way of being nice to the small children.  If they get scared its very easy for them to go someplace safe.

Your Jack-o-laterns should put in completed darkness near the door for maximum creepiness. The darkness will highlight any scary face you put on your pumpkins.  You could put colored lights in the pumpkins for effect.  I always liked putting strobes in my pumpkins.  Something about strobe lights reminds me of Alien.

Next lots and lots and lots of spider webs all over the place.   In the trees, in the trash cans, on your kids, in the candy bowl, on the hand rails, wear them as a hat, put the spider webs everywhere.  Spider webs everywhere is creepy for some odd reason.  I always like to use them as a way to say “Hey look at this place its old. But the previous caretakers didn’t like to dust at all”  Spider webs are also the easies way to unsettle small children.  On Halloween I like to unsettle the kids but not scare them.  If I scare all the kids then I have to eat all the candy and my dentist said not to do that any more.

The final touch is some fake tombstones.  Have fun with these.  “Here lies last years Tick or Treaters” is a good one.  “Hopes and dreams”, “ University of Michigan Football”, and “Common Human Decency” are tombstones you can have for the adults to chuckle at.  Of your course you must create your own tombstones.  Mine always say I died a hero and a villian.

There you have it.  In one half hour you have decorated your house for Halloween.  The thought of your house now scares me and I think I wet myself.  Now if you really wanted to go for the jugular on Halloween do what my father does.  Dress up as a scarecrow, make like your not real, and then jump when kids are near by.  But I am more for giving a little scare instead of creating huge emotional scars that take a life time to heal.  I still cant go through my parents front door with out crying.

Happy Halloween Everybody!