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The Legend of the Gallinippers . . .

by Carl Anthony

The Legend of the Gallinippers

This is not a horror movie but it should be.  Residents in Florida need to be on the look out for these adorable, little creatures right now.  Gallinippers (Psorophora ciliata) are about the size of a quarter, so they should be easy to spot.  They are cuddly little bugs too, with the ability to bite through clothing.  And naturally, their bites are exceptionally painful.  

The eggs of these wicked spawn hatch after a periods of rain - which Florida has seen recently with Tropical Storm Andrea.  Their eggs can be dormant for lengthy amounts of time and then hatch with the right amount of precipitation.  Even as babies, Gallinippers can eat tadpoles . . . and it is possible they will even eat the larvae of other insects.  

So that could be a plus.  I guess?    

My idea for a screen play: a group of party animal college students take off for a drunken weekend in The Everglades.  There are two guys.  One is a jock.  The other is also a jock.  There are three girls.  Two of them are dumb blondes and the other is an angst ridden, artsy girl, who dresses in jean overalls and wears big rimmed glasses.  She is roommates with one of the dumb blondes.  Despite her reservations, angst ridden, artsy girl gets convinced by her dim witted friend to embark on this alcohol fueled endeavor to the middle of swampy nowhere.

To make matters worse, angst ridden, artsy girl reads books!  What a total loser! 

Upon arrival to their backwoods shack that will serve both as their party pad and grave, a dirty, hostile local (named Dewey) tells them of a giant mosquito swarm that has a taste for college age flesh.  They sniff out athletic scholarship, trust fund, frat kids and devour them down to the bones.  Did you hear about all those missing persons cases that were unsolved?  Not Freddy.  Not Jason.  Not the masked nut from Scream . . .  but The Legend of the Gallinippers . . .  

Of course Dewey is just bonkers . . . swallowed too much swamp water and is talking crazy  Right?  I mean . . . giant mosquito legions that eat college students?  He is just trying to scare us?  Right guys?  Right?  Come on, let's go skinny dipping!  

The only survivor, at the end, is angst ridden, artsy girl.  The type of paint she uses contains an agent that is poisonous to the massive, blood sucking vermin.  Near the end of the flick, angst ridden artsy girl is seen dousing the queen skeeter in a bottle of acrylic paint.  The day is saved, the horde of bugs is abolished and angst ridden, artsy girl even falls in love . . . with one of the jocks who somehow survived being transported to the Gallinippers layer of brittled bones.

So two survivors . . . I lied.    

Roll credits . . . 

"All characters and events appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental."

And then the final scene . . . a pile of Gallinipper eggs, unnoticed and untouched.  Rain starts to fall . . . and they start to shake.  College students will never be safe again.